Sometimes "madness" hits home. It isn't easy living with a loved one who has a mental illness. Over time, the "walking on eggshells" can have a negative impact upon the health of the rest of the family members. Depending upon the illness, there may be outbursts of aggression or anger that really increase the stress of everyone involved.
While there is a lot of stigma associated with mental illness, violence doesn't always go hand-in-hand with it. Some of the circulating information out there is inaccurate. That hurts those with the illness(es) AND the family members.
Life isn't always easy. God never promised an "easy" life, just one in which He will be with us. I have personally lived with an individual for almost 19 years who suffers with several mental health conditions: my son.
This son is not an only child, but he is the one that has caused me the most stress. It is hard sometimes to distinguish between the illnesses and and chosen behavior. As a result, parents have to walk that fine line when it comes to consequences and discipline.
As a reader of this blog, I am hopeful that YOU will be empathetic to those families dealing with mental illness. In my own experience, I cannot list the number of times that bystanders (while witnessing an outburst from my child), would make negative comments about my assumed parenting skills (or more likely, the lack thereof).
One incident that I will share occurred when my son was around 8 years old or so. We had exited a store and were heading to my vehicle. Something (and I don't recall what) "set" him off. Next thing I knew, he was kicking a store trashcan that was attached to the pavement while screaming that I was a b****. People stopped and stared. (My other kids probably wanted to melt into the cement...although by this time in our lives, occurrences like this were quite frequent.)
One woman mockingly stated, "I can't believe that she allows her child to talk to her that way." (Her exact words--I will probably never forget them.) Now...most of the time, I would have simply ignored the chitter chatter among the witnesses. This time, however, something really rubbed me the wrong way.
While my son lay kicking and screaming on the ground, I stood up, turned towards the woman making the comment and stated: "Oh yes. It was always my childhood dream to have a son so that he could call me a b****." I then had my other children assist me in grabbing my son by the arms and legs - "helping" him to the car.
I have no idea what that woman thought of my comment and I didn't care. In fact, to this day, I don't care.
The incidents are endless. I even had someone call the police on me in Wal-Mart. Nothing like hearing "Security, report to the [...] department" over the store's PA system. Yup. I just waited for them to arrive. (Nope. I refused to make a hasty exit from the store. I just sat on the floor and waited.) Local police did appear. Meanwhile, I had one of my other children retrieve the 4 inch binder from my vehicle that included ALL of the hospital admission/discharge papers, receipts from therapist/psychiatrist appointment co-pays, and school IEP records pertaining to my son.
In the end, the people hovering around waiting for me to be arrested or whatever it is that they wanted to witness were disappointed. The police officers told everyone to disperse. However, who knows what emotional toll and impact incidents such as these had on my other children. Praise the Lord, they are mentally-healthy adults now. My one son (about whom I am writing), sadly, is not.
After the incident with the comment by that judging female, I changed my tactic. I made some little cards (using my printer) that read: "What you are witnessing is a child suffering with bi-polar disorder. It is an ugly disease over which he has no control. It affects millions of children nationwide and leaves emotional scars on the entire family. Please consider making a contribution to NAMI [website listed] to assist in finding better treatments for this disease."
Instead of making comments back to the gawking people staring while my son had his outbursts, I simply handed out the cards. That usually shut them up quickly. Asking for money usually does. I wonder if anyone ever made a donation.
I pray for my son daily. For whatever reason, God has chosen at this time not to remove the problems that plague him. I STILL deal with his daily angry outbursts. I am experiencing one as I type this post.
I could go on and on with this topic, but I will close this post. Perhaps I will re-visit it again soon. For now, I have to go "deal" with his latest "issue."
For more information about bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses, please visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website: www.nami.org. You can also find support networks in your area via this site. Remember: You are NOT alone.
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